i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
