I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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