afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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