dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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