Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
