How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
