I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
two words: eviction party
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
