not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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