I CAN MOONWALK!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
