She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
