I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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