i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
