I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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