puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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