I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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