Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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