I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
