This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
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I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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