I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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