Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
