6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
