so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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