their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
