just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
