Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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