Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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