im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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