What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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