Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
