What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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