shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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