so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
