Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
