best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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