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i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
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