you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall