Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
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This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis