Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
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im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
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you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"