Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.