bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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