These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
