Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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