you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
