You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
