You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What a dumb baby whore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
