Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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