Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
