i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
