I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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