I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
