And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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