imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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