these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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