you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on