Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.