i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
