Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
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She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.