I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
