Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
