I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
