why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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